When I first decided to wear hijab was on my 17th birthday. Nobody ever pushed me to wear though. Even my parents. They knew me well that I didn't like to be pushed. I wore it because of me, because of Allah. Because of what was written in the Quran. Because of my religion. You know, when some people asked, "when are you going to start wearing hijab?", they would reply to this, "oh, wait until when my Hidayah comes". Well for me that was not quite an answer. You don't wait for a change. You, yourself have to make a change. For your own sake, for your own good. If it's not you, then who?
Before this, I wore hijab only in school or any events that involve school. So outside the area, I was a free hair girl. At that time, I enjoyed myself being a free hair. I mean, I could wear anything I wanted, I could changed my hairstyle like how I wanted, I could go for a swim without any hesitation, I could be careless about how I look when I did any sport activities, and so on. For some reasons, I was worried as if wearing hijab would distressed me. I was very ignorant.
Until one day my boyfriend asked, "why don't you wear a hijab? It suited you really nice. I like you more with hijab".-and I was upset for the whole day. I mean, it was a good thing, but at that moment? No. Somehow it hits deep inside of me.
From that moment, I started to feel embarrassed. Whenever I went out with him, I feel uncomfortable. I was not comfortable looking like how I look like. I feel insecure. I did not know why I should be ashamed of. Later on, I started to wear long sleeve shirt wherever I go. (okay let me clear this up. I was not the type of girl who wore cute sexy little dresses, sleeve-less shirt and all. I usually wore t-shirt and jeans when I went out.) Yet, I still feel embarrassed.
After this whole thing happened, I decided to wear hijab at my tuition. And of course, there were my schoolmates all over the place. They were like, "oh, are you wearing tudung now? and I was like, "I don't know, I'm just trying... Slowly." Snap!
This hijab thingy hunted my mind most of the time. I spent my time thinking about this. Pros and cons. Of course they will be lots of pros compared to cons but what was actually my cons? Not going to wear stylish outfit? I could though. Then I realized that there were no cons. It was only my stupid brain took the wrong negative sides.
A year later, I suddenly felt like it is time. I did not know how because it was all occurred in a sudden. Yes, there was no one forced me to wear. But I just felt it was time for me to be a better me. Actually, I was afraid. Afraid to change. Afraid of what people might think about me and how do I respond to them if they asked me questions. Then slowly I realized that what other people thought did not matter, and what was mattered was what Allah thought of me.
So on my 18th birthday, me and my boyfriend went to shopping. He bought me headscarfs, long-sleeve shirts and trousers since they were all lacking in my closet. It was really nice to see him happy for my changing. Alhamdulillah, now I feel better even sometimes I feel insecure about my looks, but that doesn't matter. I feel good, protected in and out. Alhamdulillah for everything.♦♦
My advise for Muslim Girls out there:
From what I have learned, I think you should just go for yourself. Don't wait for people to ask you to do this and that. Don't wait for them to lecture you things that you have already know. Try to deepen your mind and thoughts about Islam. Islam is very beautiful. Once you open your heart and let yourself in, you will find the beauty of Islam and you will feel the peacefulness. There is always have some people out there who will point out your flaws and gives negative comments about you, but try to make it positive. People will judge anyway. So what's worse they can do? Don't let them bring you down. Especially to girls who are afraid of wearing hijab because of what people may think about them. Don't mind what they say. Try to take positive things and ignore the negatives. Surround yourself with positive vibes. The most important is, you have to try. Don't worry if it takes you a long time. At least you make a progress. Me, myself takes about a year and a half to think about this and change myself. This is not something that can be taken easy.